Why We Said Yes to Baby #2

Y’all, I’ve started to write this post several times, and It’s just a hard one to write. I feel like the decision to have children, or not to have children, is a deeply personal one. But I’m writing this post in hopes that mine and Chauncey’s decision on whether or not to have a second child may help one of you in making your own decision.  Here’s why we said “Yes!” to Baby #2.

Before Chauncey and I got married, we decided we were going to have three children. Three seemed like a nice, round number and we both agreed on it.  But we knew that children were still a little ways off in the future since I was getting ready to enter law school. Side note: we were married the summer in-between my graduating undergrad and starting law school. If your marriage can survive law school, then it can survive almost anything.

Four years into our marriage, Kane was born.  With Kane, so many hopes and dreams came true.  Everything should have been perfect, right?

Wrong. Being a parent is hard. In fact, it’s just as hard as everyone warns you it will be, and then some. Especially when you add in that Chauncey and I are both in demanding career fields (he in tech management and I as an attorney), I was working on my MBA, and I launched the blog when Kane was just 9 months old.  We had so much going on–life was more stressful than we had probably ever imagined.

I distinctly remember the day that Chauncey told me he didn’t want anymore kids.  We were on our way home from a friend’s house, after a stressful day, and he turned to me at a redlight, saying Kane was it. I was crushed. I was devastated. Poof–there went my dreams of more children up in smoke.

This single moment had a long-lasting impact on our marriage. At first I was furious, but then I came to resent Chauncey at times. And just when I would think that my resentment had died down, nope–it would come bubbling back to the surface. We would talk about having a second child every so often, which would always end with anger, frustration, and tears.  It wasn’t so much that I wanted to have a child right then, but I wanted it to be an option for the future.

Chauncey is such an amazing daddy to Kane, and an awesome husband. At that time, he was shouldering a lot of responsibility at home and at work. Looking back, what I should’ve done was be more understanding of his position, but I was completely irrational when it came to that topic. I’m so lucky to have a husband who not only deeply loves myself and our child, but who cares enough to push back on important decisions when he feels that the time isn’t right.

Over the next few years, however, Chauncey’s feelings toward having a second child softened and he liked the idea of trying for another baby. We got through the baby stage and the terrible twos.  Heck, we even made it through the threeanger year and we finally made it to a spot where we decided that if we were going for Baby #2, then it was time. But was having a second child the right decision for our family? Here are the questions we had to work through.

QUESTION #1: Were we both on board with the idea of potentially having a second child?

As much as I wanted to consider having second child, I knew that Chauncey had to be 100% on board. I didn’t want him to resent me or hold anything against me in the future because I pushed him into something he didn’t want.

QUESTION #2: Were we financially able to support another child?

Y’all, babies are EXPENSIVE.  Diapers alone are a small fortune, but what’s super expensive is daycare. Daycare is the equivalent of a mortgage payment in and of itself.  Honestly, it wasn’t until the last year that we felt comfortable picking up an additional daycare payment.  And Kane and the baby will only cross in daycare for about two months before Kane starts Kindergarten (nailed that timing.haha).

QUESTION #3: Could our relationship handle the stress of another child?

As much as we love Kane and love being parents, our marriage is super important. And as I said above, raising a child isn’t easy.  It adds stress to your relationship, and can push things to a breaking point.  We had to make sure we were in a good place marriage-wise and ask ourselves whether our relationship was sound enough to add in the stress of another child. At the end of the day, remember that sometimes, you have to put yourself and your relationship first–yes, even above your children or potential children.

QUESTION #4: Was it fair to Kane to have another baby?

Kane is such an amazing little boy with a BIG personality.  Was it fair to him to add another child to the mix? Could we emotionally accommodate two children? And we stay so busy, so did we have enough time and to fully dedicate ourselves to both Kane and another child? Now, Kane was all on board with this as he had been asking for a sibling for over a year.

QUESTION #5: Was our family complete?

Even when the answers to all of the other questions slowly became yes, this was the ultimate question.  At the end of the day, if we decided not to have another child, I was OK with just having Kane. But, at the same time, Chauncey and I decided we’d love to add just one more baby to our family.

At the end of the day, the decision to have a second child wasn’t easy, but it was the right decision for us. I’m so thankful each day for the life growing inside me.  It’s been so much fun watching Kane grown into his big brother role and be excited for the baby.  But this is also the end of the baby road. So long as everything goes well, this is my last pregnancy.  Therefore, I’m trying to cherish every moment–every little kick, every little milestone.

P.S. If you connected with this post, be sure to checkout this post on being a working mom, along with this one about how to be productive on the go.

Have you been down this path before, or are you currently exploring the thought of adding another child? I’d love if you’d share your experience in the comments!

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19 thoughts on “Why We Said Yes to Baby #2

  1. Missy Quigley

    I always wanted to have kids and now that I am 39 in a few months, I have had to take a long hard look at whether that is feasible or not for so many reasons. I was on the fence because of my age and then met a man who did not want anymore (he has 2 already). I had to think long and hard if I was okay with not having them even without him so I would not resent him or me, even. You are so correct, choosing whether to have a child or not, and how many is such a personal decision and I wish people would respect a person or couples’ privacy on that subject. The comments on my state of affairs make me ragey. Thanks for sharing your story. And yes, if a marriage can survive law school, it can survive anything!

    Reply
    1. Tif @ Bright on a Budget

      I totally get that! And I think it’s best to have those conversations as early as possible in the relationship, so that one party doesn’t feel dupe. It’s also important to be honest about your feelings and whether or not kids (or the lack thereof) is a dealbreaker for you.

      Reply
  2. Sarah Ramondt Lennon

    Definitely a tough decision, and I feel like the farther way you get from babyhood (and get used to being able to function again) the question gets tougher and tougher to answer. Thank you for sharing, I really enjoyed reading this!

    Reply
  3. Della Preston

    I love this post and I’m so thankful you wrote it. I would love to have one more but if not I will be thankful that I have Raylan. Having children is such a huge decision, and I agree both partners need to be completely 100%.

    Reply
  4. Meagan

    Thank you for sharing this very thoughtful post. My husband and I are discussing whether or not we want children at all, as we are both lawyers and very busy. These are tough but very important conversations to have and are signs of a mature relationship. Congrats on your sweet little bundle!

    Reply
    1. Tif @ Bright on a Budget

      Thank you! I work full-time as an attorney (in-house counsel), and Chauncey is a manager at a tech company, so I get the career thing. I actually found out I was pregnant with Kane 5 days after I found out I had passed the bar.haha

      Reply
  5. Whitney

    Thanks for sharing your story to baby #2. I know any kid related decision requires lots of thought and prayer. I’m so glad you and your hubby came to a decision together. Baby girl will be so lucky to join your family. Can’t wait to see Kane as a big brother!

    Reply
  6. Whitney Jordan

    Congratulations! I think any decision surrounding having kids and caring for kids is a big one! So glad you and your hubby came up with a decision you’re both happy with. I can’t wait to see Kane as an older brother and how lucky you are to have one of each!! They’ll be best friends.

    Reply
    1. Tif @ Bright on a Budget

      Thanks, friend! And same here. You know, marriage has been and can be tough, but we’re both really happy with this decision. And finally making the decision (regardless of what the outcome was), really was the best thing for our relationship.

      Reply

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