I always hear people refer to their partner as their best friend. My husband is NOT my best friend. And your partner shouldn’t be your best friend either.
Say what?! No, Chauncey is not my best friend. I have multiple best friends from different periods of my life (high school, undergrad, law school, real world, blog), but Chauncey is not one of them, nor should he be. YOUR PARTNER AND YOUR BEST FRIEND(S) ARE TWO DISTINCT ROLES THAT SERVE TWO DISTINCT PURPOSES.
Now, I know some of you are going to say I’m wrong, but hear me out. Your relationship with your partner and your relationship with your best friend are two distinct relationships. While the relationships are similar, they should not be the same. Why? Because your relationship with your partner should be so much more than your relationship with your best friend–it should be the next level. This is because your relationship with your partner should have a special intimacy that’s reserved for just that relationship.
Think about it: there are things you go through in life with your partner that you would never go through with your best friend. The feelings run much deeper than what you feel for your best friend. By calling your partner your best friend, you are shortchanging your partner, yourself, and your relationship.
You should have high expectations of that relationship than just having a best friend. The standards of being a partner versus the standards of being a best friend are entirely different. Hold both yourself and your partner to that higher standard.
And at the end of the day, you need BOTH a partner and a best friend. It’s important to have someone outside of your relationship who you can confide in and rely upon. By calling your partner your best friend, you’re denying that you need a separate relationship to fulfill a special need.
I love Chauncey with all my heart, but he is SO much more than just a best friend.
Photos by Amanda Hacker Photography, a local Lexington, KY lifestyle photographer. Outfit details here.
You have some really great points here! I don’t think it’s fair to expect your husband to be both your husband and your girlfriend – you’re right, they are two totally different roles. I heard a relationship counselor say recently that you should have at least 3 people besides your spouse that know you really well. You’re very brave to bring this up, but it’s a great thing to think about! 🙂
I loved this so much, I’m going to share it as one of my favorites for the week at the Blended Blog this Friday!
100%! I wrote a post on not marrying my best friend in 2013 and was on a Huffpost call in about it. People are either totally with you or totally against you on this lol. I think you need both a partner and a best friend.
I wish I had a best friend besides my husband! Of course he’s more than just a best friend, but he is my best friend, in that he’s better than the other friends I have!
This is good. This will sound like a lawyer but one of the elements of having a partner is friendship but I agree that it is not nor should it be the extent of the relationship. Having a partner is so much more. And I value my best friends I need them just as much as any partner I have. Different purposes but both are valuable.