Photos gifted by Amanda Hacker Photography.
This is a post that I’ve had on my heart for a long time. I’ve started it, stopped it, started back. . .because it’s a hard post to write, and an even harder decision to have made. So this post is for all my fellow mommas left with a heavy heart when you’re done having babies.
When I was pregnant with Karoline, I shared this post about why we said yes to baby #2. I never planned to have just one kid (or just two kids for that matter), so I was very sad and very overwhelmed at the thought of Kane being my only child.
But when we decided to try for Karoline, I knew that she would more than likely be our last. So I really savored every moment of the process–held on to it and documented it, because I knew it was likely that I wouldn’t be having that magical experience again. Seeing that positive pregnancy test (and not believing my eyes!), telling Chauncey and Kane that we were having a baby, finding out we were having a girl, picking out Karoline’s name, her kicking Chauncey in the back when I was laying up against him, and the first time I held her in my arms on the operating table. . .all of these moments are forever seared in my memory.
I remember the day we rushed to the hospital and I ended up delivering Karoline, the doctor asked me how I was doing. I said, “Hopefully going home today and keeping this baby in a little long.” He laughed and said that I was the first pregnant woman he had ever heard say that. I know that at the end everyone is ready to just be done, but I wanted a couple of more weeks to have a bump, and feel her kicking and moving around in my belly. It’s such a cool experience that is a little unreal (totally feels like an alien has taken up residence in your body).
With Karoline, though, we are done having babies. There’s no more anticipation of our next baby, no more buying ovulation tests and tracking periods, no more pregnancy cravings, and no more meeting a new little one of our own for the very first time. And you know what? It’s sad. It breaks my heart to know that we will never to get to experience that rush of joy again. But at the same time, I know that we can’t keep having babies just to have the pregnancy and new baby experience.
While this is the best decision for our family, that doesn’t make it an easy one. But just because it’s a hard decision to make doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make it. You should talk with your partner and if you have differing opinions, you should try your best to see both sides.
When you’re done having babies, it’s okay to be sad about it. It’s hard to acknowledge that that period of your life is over, but it’s okay. Life doesn’t end just because you’re done having children–it’s just beginning. There is still so much to look forward to and experience with your children as they grow and learn. Just like with any period of life, you have to say goodbye to that period and move on to the next. Honestly, for me it was like a mourning period and if you feel the same, then you should treat it as such.
This decision was especially hard on me during the postpartum period. Your hormones are out of whack and your emotions are all over the place anyways, and when you add the finality of such a momentous decision on top of that, it can be overwhelming. But we knew that it was the best decision for our family.
At the end of the day, I’m so thankful that I got to experience two wonderful pregnancies. I’m so thankful for my two amazing children. But when you’re done having babies, it does break your heart just a little.
Thank you to Amanda Hacker Photography for capturing these wonderful photos of Karoline for her first birthday as part of a first year milestone package. Amanda is a lifestyle and wedding photographer in Lexington, Kentucky. You can checkout her website here, or follow her on Facebook and Instagram for up-to-date offers and mini session info.